I Have The Eye Of The Tiger

Here are some jokes I collected over time from the internet and books to spice up your life! (The links are attached to the jokes I can still find the sources from.) ENJOY.

 

1.

I have the eye of the tiger, and a life-time ban from the zoo.

 

2.

I once dated a girl who owned a parrot. That crazy thing would never shut up, the parrot was kind of cool, though.

 

3.

Why do dogs run in circles?

Because it’s hard to run in squares.

 

4.

They say that when you encounter a lion, you shouldn’t move a muscle.

So when I encountered one, I stood still for 6 hours.

Then a bloke approached me and said, “The zoo is about to be closed.”

 

5.

I was ice-skating today just minding my own business when I noticed some big fat bird kept giving me the eye.

Eventually she came over. “Hi there, I’m a bit shy I’m not very good at breaking the ice,” she laughed.

“Have you tried jumping?” I asked

 

6.

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

 

7.

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. Well, he said, ‘It’s what mummy calls me sometimes’. The little girl screams to her brother ‘Don’t eat it, it’s an asshole..

 

8.

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.

 

9.

Q: Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?

A: To the retail store.

 

10.

What do you think you should do if you’re attacked by a bear? Play dead? No, that’s a lie promoted by bears.  (From The Mammoth Book of Best New Jokes)

 

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Tell me which one is your favorite!